When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. NLD Diagnosis
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.NLD Diagnosis
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution NLD Diagnosis
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development NLD Diagnosis
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? NLD Diagnosis
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want NLD Diagnosis
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. NLD Diagnosis
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. NLD Diagnosis
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … NLD Diagnosis
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. NLD Diagnosis
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. NLD Diagnosis
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? NLD Diagnosis
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? NLD Diagnosis
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. NLD Diagnosis
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. NLD Diagnosis
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