When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame
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