When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. No Drama Discipline Note To Caregivers
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