When I first became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. No Drama Discipline Pdf Free Download
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.