When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. No Drama Discipline Quotes
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.No Drama Discipline Quotes
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan No Drama Discipline Quotes
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development No Drama Discipline Quotes
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? No Drama Discipline Quotes
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want No Drama Discipline Quotes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. No Drama Discipline Quotes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. No Drama Discipline Quotes
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … No Drama Discipline Quotes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. No Drama Discipline Quotes
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. No Drama Discipline Quotes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? No Drama Discipline Quotes
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? No Drama Discipline Quotes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. No Drama Discipline Quotes
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. No Drama Discipline Quotes
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