When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Not Enjoying Motherhood
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Not Enjoying Motherhood
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Not Enjoying Motherhood
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Not Enjoying Motherhood
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Not Enjoying Motherhood
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Not Enjoying Motherhood
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Not Enjoying Motherhood
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Not Enjoying Motherhood
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Not Enjoying Motherhood
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Not Enjoying Motherhood
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Not Enjoying Motherhood
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Not Enjoying Motherhood
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Not Enjoying Motherhood
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Not Enjoying Motherhood
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Not Enjoying Motherhood
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