OCD Religion – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

OCD Religion
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. OCD Religion

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.OCD Religion

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer OCD Religion

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development OCD Religion

OCD Religion

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? OCD Religion

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they ask for OCD Religion

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than strict control.

Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. OCD Religion

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. OCD Religion

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion underneath it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … OCD Religion

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. OCD Religion

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. OCD Religion

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? OCD Religion

Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? OCD Religion

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. OCD Religion

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. OCD Religion


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