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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. ODD Students
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.ODD Students
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer ODD Students
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development ODD Students
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? ODD Students
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for ODD Students
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. ODD Students
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. ODD Students
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion below it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … ODD Students
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. ODD Students
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. ODD Students
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? ODD Students
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? ODD Students
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. ODD Students
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. ODD Students
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