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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Olivia Culpo 2020
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Olivia Culpo 2020
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Olivia Culpo 2020
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Olivia Culpo 2020
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Olivia Culpo 2020
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Olivia Culpo 2020
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Olivia Culpo 2020
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Olivia Culpo 2020
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Olivia Culpo 2020
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Olivia Culpo 2020
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Olivia Culpo 2020
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Olivia Culpo 2020
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Olivia Culpo 2020
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Olivia Culpo 2020
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Olivia Culpo 2020
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