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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. One Year Baby Development
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.One Year Baby Development
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach One Year Baby Development
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development One Year Baby Development
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? One Year Baby Development
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want One Year Baby Development
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. One Year Baby Development
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. One Year Baby Development
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … One Year Baby Development
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. One Year Baby Development
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. One Year Baby Development
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? One Year Baby Development
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? One Year Baby Development
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. One Year Baby Development
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. One Year Baby Development
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.