When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Oral Processing Disorder
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Oral Processing Disorder
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Oral Processing Disorder
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Oral Processing Disorder
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Oral Processing Disorder
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Oral Processing Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Oral Processing Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Oral Processing Disorder
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Oral Processing Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Oral Processing Disorder
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Oral Processing Disorder
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Oral Processing Disorder
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Oral Processing Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Oral Processing Disorder
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Oral Processing Disorder
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