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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Organizational Strategies For Students
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Organizational Strategies For Students
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Organizational Strategies For Students
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Organizational Strategies For Students
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Organizational Strategies For Students
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Organizational Strategies For Students
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Organizational Strategies For Students
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Organizational Strategies For Students
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Organizational Strategies For Students
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Organizational Strategies For Students
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Organizational Strategies For Students
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Organizational Strategies For Students
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Organizational Strategies For Students
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Organizational Strategies For Students
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Organizational Strategies For Students
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