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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. OT For SPD
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.OT For SPD
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan OT For SPD
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development OT For SPD
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? OT For SPD
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want OT For SPD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. OT For SPD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. OT For SPD
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … OT For SPD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. OT For SPD
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. OT For SPD
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? OT For SPD
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? OT For SPD
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. OT For SPD
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. OT For SPD
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