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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Overwhelmed Kid
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Overwhelmed Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Overwhelmed Kid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Overwhelmed Kid
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Overwhelmed Kid
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Overwhelmed Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Overwhelmed Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Overwhelmed Kid
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Overwhelmed Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Overwhelmed Kid
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Overwhelmed Kid
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Overwhelmed Kid
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Overwhelmed Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Overwhelmed Kid
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Overwhelmed Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.