When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Overwhelmed Single Working Mom
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.