Owen Autism Disney – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Owen Autism Disney
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Owen Autism Disney

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Owen Autism Disney

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Owen Autism Disney

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Owen Autism Disney

Owen Autism Disney

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Owen Autism Disney

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want Owen Autism Disney

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Owen Autism Disney

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Owen Autism Disney

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it

• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Owen Autism Disney

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Owen Autism Disney

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Owen Autism Disney

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Owen Autism Disney

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

How can you become a positive parent? Owen Autism Disney

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Owen Autism Disney

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Owen Autism Disney


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