When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parent Challenges
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parent Challenges
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Parent Challenges
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Parent Challenges
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parent Challenges
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Parent Challenges
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parent Challenges
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parent Challenges
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Parent Challenges
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parent Challenges
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parent Challenges
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parent Challenges
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Parent Challenges
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parent Challenges
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Parent Challenges
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