When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Parent Course
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Parent Course
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Parent Course
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Parent Course
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parent Course
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Parent Course
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Parent Course
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to become the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parent Course
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Parent Course
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Parent Course
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parent Course
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Parent Course
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parent Course
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Course
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parent Course
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