When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Parent Teen Relationship
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Parent Teen Relationship
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parent Teen Relationship
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Parent Teen Relationship
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parent Teen Relationship
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Parent Teen Relationship
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Parent Teen Relationship
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Parent Teen Relationship
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Parent Teen Relationship
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parent Teen Relationship
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Parent Teen Relationship
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Parent Teen Relationship
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Parent Teen Relationship
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parent Teen Relationship
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parent Teen Relationship
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