When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parental Duties
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Parental Duties
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Parental Duties
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Parental Duties
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Parental Duties
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Parental Duties
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Parental Duties
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parental Duties
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Parental Duties
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Parental Duties
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parental Duties
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Parental Duties
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Parental Duties
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parental Duties
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Parental Duties
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