When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Parenting Course High School
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Course High School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Course High School
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting Course High School
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Parenting Course High School
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Parenting Course High School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Parenting Course High School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mother or father you’ve always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Parenting Course High School
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Parenting Course High School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Parenting Course High School
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Parenting Course High School
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Parenting Course High School
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Parenting Course High School
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Course High School
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Course High School
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