When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Styles Handout
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parenting Styles Handout
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Parenting Styles Handout
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parenting Styles Handout
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parenting Styles Handout
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Parenting Styles Handout
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Parenting Styles Handout
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Parenting Styles Handout
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Parenting Styles Handout
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Parenting Styles Handout
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Styles Handout
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting Styles Handout
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parenting Styles Handout
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parenting Styles Handout
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Styles Handout
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