Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Cooperate

Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term results than strict control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it

• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting The Strong Willed Child John Rosemond


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