When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Parenting Training Courses
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Parenting Training Courses
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Parenting Training Courses
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Parenting Training Courses
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Training Courses
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Parenting Training Courses
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Training Courses
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Parenting Training Courses
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Parenting Training Courses
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Parenting Training Courses
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Training Courses
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Training Courses
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Training Courses
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Training Courses
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Parenting Training Courses
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