When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Parenting Tween Boy Podcast
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