When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Parents Right To Discipline Their Child
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