When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Pat Solitano Diagnosis
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Pat Solitano Diagnosis
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Pat Solitano Diagnosis
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Pat Solitano Diagnosis
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Pat Solitano Diagnosis
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Pat Solitano Diagnosis
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Pat Solitano Diagnosis
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Pat Solitano Diagnosis
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Pat Solitano Diagnosis
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