When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• Most mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Peaceful Parenting For Toddlers
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.