When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Picky Eater Bingo
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Picky Eater Bingo
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Picky Eater Bingo
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Picky Eater Bingo
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Picky Eater Bingo
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Picky Eater Bingo
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Picky Eater Bingo
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Picky Eater Bingo
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Picky Eater Bingo
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Picky Eater Bingo
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Picky Eater Bingo
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Picky Eater Bingo
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Picky Eater Bingo
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Picky Eater Bingo
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Picky Eater Bingo
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