Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to become the mother or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it

• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we must want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Poor Working Memory And Slow Processing Speed


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