When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Disciplinary Action
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Disciplinary Action
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Disciplinary Action
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Positive Disciplinary Action
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Disciplinary Action
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Disciplinary Action
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Disciplinary Action
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Disciplinary Action
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Positive Disciplinary Action
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Positive Disciplinary Action
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Disciplinary Action
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Disciplinary Action
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Disciplinary Action
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Disciplinary Action
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Disciplinary Action
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