When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Jane Nelsen PDF
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