When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline Steps
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Discipline Steps
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Steps
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Steps
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline Steps
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Steps
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Steps
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Steps
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Discipline Steps
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Steps
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Steps
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Steps
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Steps
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Steps
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Steps
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