When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline The First Three Years PDF
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