Positive Disipline – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Positive Disipline
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Disipline

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Disipline

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Disipline

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Disipline

Positive Disipline

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Disipline

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Disipline

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Disipline

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Disipline

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it

• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Positive Disipline

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Disipline

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Disipline

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Disipline

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Disipline

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Disipline

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Disipline


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