When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Attributes
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parent Attributes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parent Attributes
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Attributes
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parent Attributes
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Positive Parent Attributes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Attributes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Attributes
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parent Attributes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parent Attributes
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parent Attributes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Attributes
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Attributes
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Attributes
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Attributes
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