When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting By Age
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting By Age
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting By Age
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting By Age
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting By Age
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting By Age
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting By Age
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to help you to come to be the mama or father you’ve always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting By Age
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting By Age
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting By Age
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting By Age
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting By Age
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting By Age
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting By Age
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting By Age
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