When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Potty Training Poop
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Potty Training Poop
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Potty Training Poop
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Potty Training Poop
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Potty Training Poop
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Potty Training Poop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Potty Training Poop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Potty Training Poop
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Potty Training Poop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Potty Training Poop
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Potty Training Poop
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Potty Training Poop
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Potty Training Poop
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Potty Training Poop
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Potty Training Poop
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