When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Power Struggle With Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Power Struggle With Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Power Struggle With Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Power Struggle With Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Power Struggle With Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Power Struggle With Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Power Struggle With Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Power Struggle With Child
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Power Struggle With Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Power Struggle With Child
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Power Struggle With Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Power Struggle With Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Power Struggle With Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Power Struggle With Child
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Power Struggle With Child
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.