When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Pragmatic Language Disorder
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Pragmatic Language Disorder
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Pragmatic Language Disorder
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Pragmatic Language Disorder
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Pragmatic Language Disorder
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Pragmatic Language Disorder
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Pragmatic Language Disorder
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Pragmatic Language Disorder
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Pragmatic Language Disorder
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Pragmatic Language Disorder
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Pragmatic Language Disorder
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Pragmatic Language Disorder
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Pragmatic Language Disorder
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Pragmatic Language Disorder
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Pragmatic Language Disorder
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