When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Problematic Behavior
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Problematic Behavior
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Problematic Behavior
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Problematic Behavior
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Problematic Behavior
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Problematic Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Problematic Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Problematic Behavior
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Problematic Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Problematic Behavior
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Problematic Behavior
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Problematic Behavior
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Problematic Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Problematic Behavior
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Problematic Behavior
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