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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Prodromal Schizophrenia Stories
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