When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Psychology Of Picky Eaters
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Psychology Of Picky Eaters
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Psychology Of Picky Eaters
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Psychology Of Picky Eaters
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Psychology Of Picky Eaters
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Psychology Of Picky Eaters
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Psychology Of Picky Eaters
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Psychology Of Picky Eaters
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Psychology Of Picky Eaters
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