When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. PTSD Fun Facts
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.PTSD Fun Facts
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach PTSD Fun Facts
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development PTSD Fun Facts
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? PTSD Fun Facts
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want PTSD Fun Facts
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. PTSD Fun Facts
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. PTSD Fun Facts
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … PTSD Fun Facts
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. PTSD Fun Facts
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. PTSD Fun Facts
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? PTSD Fun Facts
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? PTSD Fun Facts
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. PTSD Fun Facts
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. PTSD Fun Facts
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