When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Punishment Operant Conditioning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Punishment Operant Conditioning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Punishment Operant Conditioning
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Punishment Operant Conditioning
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Punishment Operant Conditioning
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Punishment Operant Conditioning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Punishment Operant Conditioning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mama or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Punishment Operant Conditioning
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Punishment Operant Conditioning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Punishment Operant Conditioning
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Punishment Operant Conditioning
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Punishment Operant Conditioning
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Punishment Operant Conditioning
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishment Operant Conditioning
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Punishment Operant Conditioning
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