When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Punishment Workouts
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Punishment Workouts
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Punishment Workouts
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Punishment Workouts
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Punishment Workouts
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Punishment Workouts
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Punishment Workouts
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to become the mother or father you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Punishment Workouts
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Punishment Workouts
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Punishment Workouts
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Punishment Workouts
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Punishment Workouts
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Punishment Workouts
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Punishment Workouts
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Punishment Workouts
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