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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Que Es Sensorial
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Que Es Sensorial
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Que Es Sensorial
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Que Es Sensorial
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Que Es Sensorial
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Que Es Sensorial
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Que Es Sensorial
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Que Es Sensorial
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Que Es Sensorial
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Que Es Sensorial
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Que Es Sensorial
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Que Es Sensorial
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Que Es Sensorial
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Que Es Sensorial
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Que Es Sensorial
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