When I first became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Reasons Why I Practice Gentle Parenting -attachment
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