Respectful Co Parenting – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

Respectful Co Parenting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Respectful Co Parenting

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Respectful Co Parenting

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Respectful Co Parenting

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Respectful Co Parenting

Respectful Co Parenting

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.


So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Respectful Co Parenting

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they want Respectful Co Parenting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.


What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Respectful Co Parenting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you’ve always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Respectful Co Parenting

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it

• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Respectful Co Parenting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Respectful Co Parenting

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Respectful Co Parenting

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.


Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Respectful Co Parenting

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.


So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Respectful Co Parenting

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Respectful Co Parenting

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Respectful Co Parenting


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