When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Respectful Parenting Janet
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Respectful Parenting Janet
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Respectful Parenting Janet
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Respectful Parenting Janet
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Respectful Parenting Janet
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Respectful Parenting Janet
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Respectful Parenting Janet
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mom or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Respectful Parenting Janet
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Respectful Parenting Janet
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Respectful Parenting Janet
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Respectful Parenting Janet
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Respectful Parenting Janet
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Respectful Parenting Janet
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Respectful Parenting Janet
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Respectful Parenting Janet
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